Parent Preschool Meltdown

I am not going to lie, I am sitting here bawling as I write this. I had a horrible experience this afternoon. I joined Parent Preschool and was a little apprehensive to start with. I was nervous Ava would not listen and Jaxen would be a freak show. Ava had no problems and listened very well. Jaxen was a different story. He acted exactly the way I knew he would. He was fine during play time didn't even fuss once. Then clean up time came along. The screaming and kicking started. I helped him put the toys away while he cried the whole time. Then we moved to circle time, no success. I am not exaggerating here, he SCREAMED and BAWLED. So embarrassing! I was actually doing really well at holding it together, I wasn't even getting mad. A nice lady was trying to reassure me that it's normal and that it will be okay. Then Mary-Rose came along and was trying to talk to Jaxen. She tried to give him some snacks and help me as well. All along Jaxen is still freaking out. He wanted those damn trains and cars so badly. I couldn't put him down because I know the standards that they have for the kids. They have to learn to sit and listen during circle time. I know that it's hard for small children but I have never seen one act like mine. Mary-Rose was so kind and I am so grateful. She never made me feel bad, not once. I was doing pretty good at holding myself together. Then a door opened up. "Excuse me, could you get rid of him? I am trying to teach a class and he is a huge distraction." That was the last straw. My eyes teared up and I was holding it back. Mary-Rose asked me a question and I lost it. I started crying and could not stop. The only reason that I was staying is because of Ava. She loves it there, how could I deprive her. I was embarrassed that I was crying and couldn't stop. I was horrified that MY child was so unruly. I wanted to be mad at Jaxen but I was so mad at that lady for hurting my feelings. I felt bad for him that somebody was annoyed by him. His mine and I love him. Although I do know that he will not be going back there for a long time. This mothering business makes me feel like I am a failure. I hate not being in control and not being able to stop it. Some days I think that I can do this but days like today I want to throw in the towel. I see all the other moms with their children sitting perfectly in their laps. Then there's me bawling in the background trying to keep myself composed. I am still crying and I honestly don't know why. It truly wasn't a big deal, I am lying it was. The bottom line is that I was embarrassed and there was nothing I could do. I did end up leaving the class. They let Ava stay and someone was so kind to give her a ride home. This is just a bad mom moment and it will pass. In the mean time I am going to go finish crying in my bed.

Christmas Time 2010

Ava's princess castle

Priceless Smile

Jaxen saying "car"

A few thank you's with hugs, sweet girl

Pure excitement

Ava's haul

Jaxen's haul

Daddy's

Mommy's





Chirstmas was good. I didn't get out of bed until 9:00am, what's better than that? I slept in Ava's room, woke up to my dog whining. I Went to wake up Kyle and Ava, they were awake watching catoons in bed. How nice of them to wait for me to wake up. Anyway, we had to go wake Jaxen up. That little boy likes to sleep in, makes me so happy. Ava started us out, she gets so excited. I love how her little face lights up. Jaxen went next. He was excited but I think he would have been satisfied with one toy. We would get him to try and open things but he just didn't want to. Kyle's main gift was a #4 hybrid golf club, whatever that is. He told me what he wanted so that's what he got. I also got him a few clothing items, he is running short of clothing. I got spoiled this Christmas. I got a video camera and a diamond necklace, I am a loved lady. After opening presents we made breakfast and just relaxed all morning. Once 2:00pm hit I was off to work. I was a little bummed about it but atleast I got to spend the morning with my family. Kyle and the kids went to his Grandma Shurtz' house for lunch later that afternoon. Then he hauled them to my Grandma Wendorff's for dinner. He is a good man! I got home from work around 12:00am hoping to watch a movie but Kyle was passed out. I suppose it is exhausting dragging the kids around all day. All in all it was a good day!

Christmas Show 2010

Ava has been in Musical Theater since September, she loves it! Every Thursday she gets so excited to go to Mrs. Roach's to sing and dance. I was a little nervous in the beginning if she would behave and listen. I think she is better for other people to tell you the truth. This past Friday was her Christmas Show. Again, I was nervous to see how she would do. I honestly thought she would be too nervous to sing and dance on stage let alone say her line. She did amazing! She was a little timid at first but once she got going she did great. I was so proud, I got little butterflies in my stomach. I think this will be good for her, it will give her a chance to open up and be confident. I am glad I decided to put her and I am sure she is as well.

I'm a Dog...

We have decided that Mikka our dog is going to be an indoor dog. It's taken us about 4 years to decide this. I often think about her and what a sad life she really has. We love our dog but she is large and very playful. She is the most loving and patient dog, she would never hurt anyone. She is great with the kids, she loves Ava. It has only been two days but I think it is going alright. She is actually lying beside me right now. She is busy around the house, there are so many new smells. You can already tell she is so happy, she loves being around us. The only down side is that Ava has decided she is a dog. She pants, barks and licks. Kyle thinks it's good that she has an imagination. I think she's crazy!

Blankie

Jaxen LOVES his blanket, it is his best friend. He needs it to fall asleep and is a very sad man if he doesn't have it. He likes to put it in his mouth for some reason. He doesn't suck on it but likes to bite on it. I think it's so cute when he rubs it on his face to comfort him. I just wanted you all to see how cute my baby boy is.

Lovely Snow

I have to admit that I don't care for snow. I don't like being cold, wearing coats or going outside in -30 weather. I sometimes wonder why I even live here. I guess it's just something you get used to and becomes part of your live. We were snowed in yesterday, literally. Kyle was able to get his truck out for work in the morning but there was a 4 ft drift in front of my garage. Kyle borrowed my dads snow blower last night and was outside for a good hour or so. Needless to say he made a pretty good pile of snow in front of our house. I always get good ideas that I should shovel the driveway. I think I am pretty strong and I could do it. I have come to the realization that I think I am stronger than I really am. Snow is heavy! I hurt my back and shoulders all the time. To get to the point, I was shovelling when Kyle got home from work today. I was doing pretty good. I had the kids and the dog out, we were having fun. Kyle heads right to the pile of snow and starts digging. He made a fort and I shovelled the drive way. The kids had a good time and so did my husband. Kyles always been a kid at heart. I love that man!!!

A Walk in the Past

I am sure a lot of people are aware I was in some sort of MVA. I found some pics lying around so I thought I would do a post about it. Back on July 5th, 1998 I was in B.C. for one of my cousins weddings. The wedding was over and a few days later we decided to go to White Rock Beach for the day. We had some breakfast first and headed back to my Aunt and Uncles. We then split up into different vehicles. I got into the vehicle which my cousin was driving, my sister in the passenger sit and my cousin from Lethbridge was sitting beside me in the back. I was sitting behind the driver. We started driving and were listening to some music and then blank...The next thing I remember is walking passed the mirror on my way to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I burst out in tears, the initial reaction of what happened to my hair. I can't remember anything from the first 8 days after the car accident. I guess the mirror woke me up. I guess we were driving through a green light when somebody decided to turn in front of us. We hit them of course and I ended up hitting my head on something in the car. I was unconscious and somebody started CPR. The ambulance came and took me away. I had a CT scan at the hospital which showed a bleed on the brain. Off to surgery I went. They ended up having to cut a piece of my skull out to relieve the pressure. They then used stainless steel to wire the piece back in. If you are wondering if I beep at the air port, I do not. Everyone asks me that. They then used 54 staples to close me back up. That is the story of my car accident back 1998. I can't believe it's been over 12 years, it truly feels like it was yesterday. I am a very lucky person. It was a very rough time in my life and it still effects me till this day. That day changed my life in so many ways. I had a plan but that plan was changed for me. When it's all said and done, I wouldn't have changed one thing. My life is pretty dang good. I have a loving husband and two beautiful children. I don't think I will ever forget and all I can do is continue on LIVING. I truly did get a second chance.