Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I turned 26 on May 4th, 2010. I'm old and I hate it. I feel the wrinkles in my face, my body sagging more each day, and my joints hurting. In the whole scheme of things 26 is not that old but to me it feels old. 4 years and I am going to be 30, I don't even like to think about it. I feel like I am an 18 year old trapped in a 26 year old body. I try to do things that were a breeze back in the day and I almost kill myself. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I did a back flip. I'm happy to admit that I am still pretty flexible but that too is fading away as my age progresses. I tell myself everyday that I am going to eat better, exercise and take care of myself. Not too much exercise happening over here and I don't eat what I should either. It's going to catch up to me, it has started already. I just remember being in high school and thinking my sisters were so old. That will never happen to me I thought, oh the things you think in high school. Anyways, I like to rant every now and then so there is my rant for the day. I hate getting old.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I want to go to sleep..

It's 2:32 am and I want to be in my own bed sleeping. Where am I you ask? Work, that's where I am. Work is such a lovely place, it a place where I get to help others and miss out on my very favorite thing, sleep. Is sleep really that important? YES YES YES!!! I cannot survive without sleep and these 1900-0700 shifts kill me. Why do I do them you ask? I don't really know, money I suppose. Do I like to work? Sometimes. Do I like to be up in the middle of the night? No. Do I like money? Yes. So I guess the money wins. Oh, the bills need to get paid as well and I like to feel that I contribute to that. I hate getting home and everyone is sleeping. Ava is usually in our bed and I end up waking her up and Kyle has to get up. I feel bad but then I am like, hey who was up all night working? Oh, that would be me. He gets up at 6:30 every morning so sleeping until 7:00 is like sleeping in for him. Maybe I will give her breakfast and put a movie in and then Kyle can sleep until Jaxen wakes up. Is that bad? I have a secret. I can't get up before eight, I just can't. If Ava wakes up she usually will get her DVD player and watch movies in my room until eight. Yesterday morning she came in our room at 5:00am and didn't fall back asleep. Kyle got up, Ava got up and I was MAD. I got her breakfast took her downstairs and I went back to sleep. I am the worst mom ever! Jaxen usually doesn't get up until 8:30ish. I have to sleep and if I don't get sleep, I am a nightmare to be around. I can't help it and I feel bad for whoever is around me. Having new babies is the worst for me. I was always so tired and angry in the middle of the night, just like everyother mom. The only difference is they can handle it and I can't. Kyle was my lifesaver. He would always take the kids for me after I fed them. He would even take them downstairs so I could sleep. He always said that he would rather be tired than deal with a tired me. Hence, I am crazy/out of my mind. So really this blog was a ramble about how I love sleep and I need sleep yet I am working a 12 hour night shift. I don't make any sense but at least it is the weekend and I have the BEST husband ever who will let me sleep all day and not complain once.