I want to go to sleep..

It's 2:32 am and I want to be in my own bed sleeping. Where am I you ask? Work, that's where I am. Work is such a lovely place, it a place where I get to help others and miss out on my very favorite thing, sleep. Is sleep really that important? YES YES YES!!! I cannot survive without sleep and these 1900-0700 shifts kill me. Why do I do them you ask? I don't really know, money I suppose. Do I like to work? Sometimes. Do I like to be up in the middle of the night? No. Do I like money? Yes. So I guess the money wins. Oh, the bills need to get paid as well and I like to feel that I contribute to that. I hate getting home and everyone is sleeping. Ava is usually in our bed and I end up waking her up and Kyle has to get up. I feel bad but then I am like, hey who was up all night working? Oh, that would be me. He gets up at 6:30 every morning so sleeping until 7:00 is like sleeping in for him. Maybe I will give her breakfast and put a movie in and then Kyle can sleep until Jaxen wakes up. Is that bad? I have a secret. I can't get up before eight, I just can't. If Ava wakes up she usually will get her DVD player and watch movies in my room until eight. Yesterday morning she came in our room at 5:00am and didn't fall back asleep. Kyle got up, Ava got up and I was MAD. I got her breakfast took her downstairs and I went back to sleep. I am the worst mom ever! Jaxen usually doesn't get up until 8:30ish. I have to sleep and if I don't get sleep, I am a nightmare to be around. I can't help it and I feel bad for whoever is around me. Having new babies is the worst for me. I was always so tired and angry in the middle of the night, just like everyother mom. The only difference is they can handle it and I can't. Kyle was my lifesaver. He would always take the kids for me after I fed them. He would even take them downstairs so I could sleep. He always said that he would rather be tired than deal with a tired me. Hence, I am crazy/out of my mind. So really this blog was a ramble about how I love sleep and I need sleep yet I am working a 12 hour night shift. I don't make any sense but at least it is the weekend and I have the BEST husband ever who will let me sleep all day and not complain once.