26!!!

I turned 26 on May 4th, 2010. I'm old and I hate it. I feel the wrinkles in my face, my body sagging more each day, and my joints hurting. In the whole scheme of things 26 is not that old but to me it feels old. 4 years and I am going to be 30, I don't even like to think about it. I feel like I am an 18 year old trapped in a 26 year old body. I try to do things that were a breeze back in the day and I almost kill myself. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I did a back flip. I'm happy to admit that I am still pretty flexible but that too is fading away as my age progresses. I tell myself everyday that I am going to eat better, exercise and take care of myself. Not too much exercise happening over here and I don't eat what I should either. It's going to catch up to me, it has started already. I just remember being in high school and thinking my sisters were so old. That will never happen to me I thought, oh the things you think in high school. Anyways, I like to rant every now and then so there is my rant for the day. I hate getting old.

I want to go to sleep..

It's 2:32 am and I want to be in my own bed sleeping. Where am I you ask? Work, that's where I am. Work is such a lovely place, it a place where I get to help others and miss out on my very favorite thing, sleep. Is sleep really that important? YES YES YES!!! I cannot survive without sleep and these 1900-0700 shifts kill me. Why do I do them you ask? I don't really know, money I suppose. Do I like to work? Sometimes. Do I like to be up in the middle of the night? No. Do I like money? Yes. So I guess the money wins. Oh, the bills need to get paid as well and I like to feel that I contribute to that. I hate getting home and everyone is sleeping. Ava is usually in our bed and I end up waking her up and Kyle has to get up. I feel bad but then I am like, hey who was up all night working? Oh, that would be me. He gets up at 6:30 every morning so sleeping until 7:00 is like sleeping in for him. Maybe I will give her breakfast and put a movie in and then Kyle can sleep until Jaxen wakes up. Is that bad? I have a secret. I can't get up before eight, I just can't. If Ava wakes up she usually will get her DVD player and watch movies in my room until eight. Yesterday morning she came in our room at 5:00am and didn't fall back asleep. Kyle got up, Ava got up and I was MAD. I got her breakfast took her downstairs and I went back to sleep. I am the worst mom ever! Jaxen usually doesn't get up until 8:30ish. I have to sleep and if I don't get sleep, I am a nightmare to be around. I can't help it and I feel bad for whoever is around me. Having new babies is the worst for me. I was always so tired and angry in the middle of the night, just like everyother mom. The only difference is they can handle it and I can't. Kyle was my lifesaver. He would always take the kids for me after I fed them. He would even take them downstairs so I could sleep. He always said that he would rather be tired than deal with a tired me. Hence, I am crazy/out of my mind. So really this blog was a ramble about how I love sleep and I need sleep yet I am working a 12 hour night shift. I don't make any sense but at least it is the weekend and I have the BEST husband ever who will let me sleep all day and not complain once.

Jaxen's One!

Thomas the Train

Cute kids!

Ava gets so excited, Jaxen not so much

That's about all he ate of his cake

I'll just sneak a tad off the edge

My little man is officially one years old. I remember wishing he would hurry and get older but now I wish him a baby again. He gets everywhere and does not stop for one minute. He still is unable to walk and I am guessing he won't until about 15-16 months. He would rather crawl than even try. I don't mind but secretly I wish he would hurry up. He is getting pretty heavy and if I could set him down for a moment that would be nice. He is about 26 pounds and Ava is 30 pounds. We had a little get together with my side of the family. We had hotdogs, hamburgers and cake. Jaxen had a good time opening the presents but when it was time for cake I was surprised. I thought for sure he would dig right in but he hardly took a bite. He even cried, it was strange. Anyways, it was a good time had by all. My kids are growing up so fast but that just means I am getting old.

Who's bed? Mine!!!

We have been trying to get Ava to sleep in her "big bed" since December. In a post awhile back I swore I would never let Ava sleep in my bed, we will get back to that though. We started with the sitting in her room until she fell asleep but it didn't work. Then we tried laying in bed with her but that became a game. Then I ended up sleeping downstairs on a air mattress with her, that lasted about one month. It truly was the only way she would fall asleep and allow me to get some sleep too. I am not the greatest to be around when I haven't had any sleep. I then decided to take out her nap completely to see if that made a difference. Well, she now will fall asleep in her bed and stays there for about 3-4 hours. She will wake up in the middle of the night and find her way to our bedroom. Kyle tried taking her back to her bed but she would always find her way back in 10 or so minutes. I stopped fighting the one thing I didn't want to do. Ava now sleeps in our bed most nights. She is horrible to sleep with. She kicks, rolls, arms fly, it is dangerous. Oh well, I guess we are all sleeping though right?

Jaxen at 10 months

Cute little guy

Trying to crawl up the stairs

Jaxen has a special place in my heart. When Jaxen was born he was very stiff. His little body would not bend no matter how hard you tried. I honestly didn't think anything of it until anybody and everybody that held him commented on it. I decided to take him to the doctor to see if he thought anything was wrong. The doctor from Raymond decided to send him to a pediatrician in Lethbridge. Jaxen has been seeing Dr. Wong for about 8 months now. Initially Doctor Wong thought there was a possibility it was Cerebral Palsy. My heart sank at the news. We were then sent to the hospital so Jaxen could get an ultrasound through his soft spot on his head to see if there was any bleeding on the brain. The ultrasound was clear thank heavens but then what was causing the stiffness? Jaxen has also been seeing a physiotherapist for about 6 months to work with him. It's a workout for Jaxen but I think it really is helping him. Everytime we go back to Dr. Wong, the stiffness seemed to decrease. The last time we went to see Dr. Wong he said the stiffness had resolved itself. That was a relief but all that worry for nothing. I know they want to prepare you but come on, I was a basket case. The stiffness is gone but Dr. Wong is now worried because Jaxen is behind on his developmental growth. Jaxen couldn't sit until he was almont 9 months old. He still can't really crawl, he army crawls. The last time we say the doctor he said he wanted Jaxen walking along furniture, that won't happen. He really is getting better, I find that he is about 2-3 months behind most babies his age. But then what's this business about every baby being different. I don't know what to think but I do know I love him and he can take how ever long he wants to start walking. We go back to see Dr. Wong on the 24th of this month so we will see. Here is a list of what Jaxen is doing and liking these days:

-Loves food! Eats anything and everything

-Eats 3 times a day and 3-4 bottles

-Can army crawl. Can crawl 3-4 steps then drops back to his stomach

-Starting to pull himself onto things

-Can get up 2 stairs by himself

-Can get into crawling position from tummy and then sit up

-Still only says dada, laughs at me when I say mama

-Sleeps through the night most nights

-Loves Ava and tries to keep up with her

-Laughs at everything

-Has a tender heart

Jaxen at 10 months

Cute little guy

Trying to climb the stairs

This little man has a special place in my heart. When Jaxen was born his body was very stiff and he wouldn't bend. I honestly didn't think anything of it until everyone and anyone who held him commented on it. I decided maybe I would take him to the doctor to see if he thought something was wrong. The doctor from Raymond decided to refer Jaxen to a Pediatrician in Lethbridge. Jaxen started seeing Dr. Wong when he was about 2-3 months old. He was concerned and was thinking there was a possibility it was Cerebral Palsy. My heart sank when I heard the news but yet I was hopeful. We were sent to the hospital so Jaxen could get a ultrasound on his head. They were thinking maybe there was some bleeding that was causing the stiffness. A couple of weeks later we got a phone call, the ultrasound was normal. I was so happy but yet there was no answers.

Funny girl

This morning I wasn't feeling so hot when I rushed to the toilet to barf. Nope, not pregnant just sick. Little Ava rushed to my side to see if I was alright when she asked "Momma did you eat too much?"